i'm sure there isn't a job in the world where every aspect of it is easy. over time people just master the mechanism and make it their part in specialisation. as i'm writing this, i have a person in mind.
he was a deputy director in the company i was working for before i enlisted. he oversaw compensation and benefits, which he described as both a science and an art. it's about determining how much to pay in salary to everyone so it'll keep them happy and keep the management happy. it's definitely a delicate balancing act.
quite apparently he's good at it, or he wouldn't be a deputy director. he has a corner office on the 49th floor of the 4th tallest building in singapore, and within his world, which i was a part of, he was probably quite influential. i don't know him well, btw. i just happened to have a desk outside his door.
to the man on the street 49 floors below, his infuence is probably nought. the corner office is just part of the city facade. and it's quite unlikely many people would take notice that countless hours have been spent in devising the perfect model which is both a science and an art. maybe it doesn't matter at all.
the social definition of what it means to be successful possibly contains a high concentration of metaphysical fluff. it's a term i found in a book, a small town in germany. it's about a british embassy man whom nobody noticed but ran away with prized secrets of the cold war, set in bonn. i like the term because it translates a very flimsy idea into a solid concept.
it's the same metaphysical fluff that get people enthusiastic about causes, many of which may not matter at all. you feel that everything has changed, but nothing has really changed. i was wondering if that's the case with barack obama. i still wonder.
and it gets you to believe that the things you do matter. probably because it would do good for those who want you to believe so. and they themselves are caught in another bout of fluff which makes them believe whatever is good for them really matters.
the past month has been a challenging period when i decided my identity, my perceived values and my future. i'm glad it's over. i'm not exactly feeling liberated, but at least secure.
there was the occasion where i entered the holy grounds of the two towers and proved myself, not just myself to others but also some of the things i believe to myself. both were proven.
something else happened, it's totally random, i can't explain myself till now. the station cat gave birth to 6 kittens and lived on the staircase next to where we slept. out of impulse, i brought 2 home without knowing anything about how to keep a cat.
but so far i'm having fun. and it's a very simple joy when you lock them up in the toilet, throw them a ping pong ball and hear the "ping pong" sounds in the middle of the night. so cute.
one thing i'm worried about is my expenditure. i've been bleeding without knowing why, even after close analysis of my bank statement. i did buy an LCD tv for the house, 2 pairs of shoes in 3 months, and a few more books than usual. but i still don't drink or smoke so it doesn't make sense.
and it's always a joy to see people who remind you of a certain period in your life. it provides the necessary perspective and contrast to see what you're really doing, and how far you've gone.
have you ever experienced the feeling of having many books already on your reading list, then buying even more and reading those first? that's exactly what's happening to me now.
horizontal at 11:33 PM
Friday, May 22, 2009
twenty
today is uneventful considering it's the only time i get to celebrate my twentieth birthday. i stayed at home most of the time and passed it as i would as any other off day.
one thing special was however the number of well wishes i received throughout the day, through phone or facebook. altogether there were more than 30, a personal record. everyone sounds more excited than i am. to all of you out there, thank you very much =)
to get an accurate depiction of how i feel, please refer to harry potter book 3 on how he celebrated his birthday. considering that i'm home for nearly the whole day, it's the same feeling.
i'll just spend the rest of the entry sharing a conversation i had with vinci and pow. they occured at different times, but were on the same topic and i made this same remark.
it's about the value of hwachong's education.
i read somewhere recently, i don't remember where, about the true value of education. how successful an education is shouldn't be judged by how much knowledge you took away from school. instead, it should be measured by whatever's left after everything else has been forgotten. i smiled, i agreed.
so don't worry too much if you've forgotten how to do math. though i get a lot of backlash from my colleagues for that "eh you hwachong, how can you dunno how to do log!". or if you've forgotten your chemistry. even though an arts student remembering that HCN is hydrogen cyanide when your fellow firemen don't is a big deal.
one problem i felt in hwachong, and still feel, is that you couldn't excel unless you're a politically correct model student who aims to polish your portfolio, get good results, and don't get into trouble. this isn't a bad thing to aim for, but this isn't life.
for people like me who didn't study, my time in hwachong was spent on testing the system, and outsmarting it. it wasn't about listening to instructions or fulfilling social expectations.
at the end, the biggest takeaway from hwachong is the experience gained from testing the system. maybe it's meant to be like that. because through doing it, we've learnt how to live.
the model student won't die, though. he'll still be outstanding in life, because he follows the system and excels in it. but he could have done that anywhere else. in hwachong, there's a valuable lesson to be learnt from creating an alternate system.
all these don't seem to compliment my alma mater very well. but believe me, that is the most important lesson i've learnt from school, and i'll be grateful for that, forever.
horizontal at 11:53 PM
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
thinking the unthinkable
my mom was telling me the other day, how she has never expected that at this point in her life, she would be living the life she's living, in singapore. it would be the kind of thing one would never even dream of.
it was meant as an advice to keep my options open. because there're things which you will never imagine being part of your life, but you end up with them being an integral part of it. who knows, it might ultimately be what defines you.
when i first entered high school, i honestly didn't know what's the difference between JC, polytechnic, ITE; O, A or N level. i thought you could go to more than one of them, and take more than one of those standards (yes you can, but i didn't).
my mentality back then was "all roads lead to rome" and to take whatever that comes along. such a mindset was quickly derided with the incoming knowledge and realities of life.
i never imagined myself in a chinese orchestra, but that's exactly how i spent my 4 years with it being an integral part of my life. in retrospect, i should have chosen something else, but i didn't gain nothing from there. one would be the trips home every friday evening. two would be having my political instinct sharpened.
i never thought about staying in huangcheng, but i did and it outlined my life in college.
right now i'm thinking the unthinkable. it will change my life.
horizontal at 11:13 PM
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
encore
rather amazingly, the old men at 1st division public affairs department liked my performance as emcee of the the last emergency preparedness day so much, they're letting me do it again. on my off day.
it's a very curious way of doing things in uniformed organisations. recognition comes in the form of punishment. and certain punishments are so odd ("not allowed to turnout in LF") that it's more of a punishment to everyone else than the subject.
i'm still learning to get used to it. probably never will.
to look on the bright side, it's a way of keeping my language ability alive. or i'll be socially inept by the time i ORD. to illustrate why, let me share a new word i learnt today:
"you all must wear your bunker gear properly, so that you'll look smartful."
if you understand, you're in trouble. i am.
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i saw this on MTV the other day. i'm not a fan of ayumi hamasaki, and i rarely appreciate things which i don't understand (which is why i bothered to read the lyrics of the russian national anthem).
but i liked this song enough to look it up on youtube.
horizontal at 10:48 PM
